We're All Humans, Aren't We?

So, yesterday I went out with my brother and sister to meet my mom’s
boyfriend’s daughter and her family. It occurred to me on the way home
that if they ever got married the daughter would be related to me.

I already spend enough money on Christmas presents as it is.

Moving
on… I’m excited because Wednesday I finally get new office furniture.
The office I’m in right now is in serious disarray and I can’t get
anything done here. I think this is going to be a step forward towards
the ultimate goal of organization.

I think this is what’s going
on with my life. I only have a few things organized. Money. Bills. But
as for the greater things, emotions, job, God (religion), they’re
definitely not arranged in coherence.

I ramble. I promise I will
make more sense as I go on. My writing is sloppy. My prose
unimaginative. I need to sharpen my writing skills again. This, above
all, is what I really want to do right now. To write. To actually
hunker down and dig deep and write. I’m hoping the blog will help me do
this.

Oh, and the Mr. Snugly Seal? That’s my roommate’s stuffed seal. Long story there.

I love how when I was looking for a mood to signify how I was feeling,
the damn thing had the exact word I was looking for: contemplative.

What
am I being contemplative about? Have you ever had a feeling (good or
bad) and you couldn’t shake it? There was no rational or obvious source
for the feeling? For example, if there’s an impeding final coming up
and you haven’t studied for it, nervousness arises for the obvious
reason. Well, I have this growing feeling of optimism. I know! Where
the heck is this coming from? Can’t I be an angst-ridden male for the
rest of my life? Where am I going to get my artistic inspiration if I’m
optimistic?

But on the other hand, I DO need organization and
maybe my life will finally take hold. After all, I did promise to
myself to buckle down and get serious about working after tomorrow when
I finally organize my office. I guess I have to be an adult sometime.
Might as well be now.

Damn. Oh, well.

So tonight I had an epiphany.

Wanna hear it? Sure you do.

I
thought I had to be all wise and sage on these journals. But that’s
boring. No one wants to hear Confucious all the time. I’m sure even
Confucious got sick of himself. Plus I’m not even sure I’m wise OR sage
or any combination thereof, although people keep saying I’m sooo
insightful and stuff. Question: If I’m so insightful into other
people’s lives, then why the hell can’t I have any insight in MY life?

I guess that’s the rub. Every life has one of those.

Forgive
me if these blog entries seem stilted, but I’m trying to find my voice.
I had one. Lost it. Well, not in the literal sense. I’m talking
metaphorical, folks. I haven’t written free-verse in AGES. I loved it
when I was younger and made the mistake of letting it go while trying
out new things. I should have kept it by my side at all times, like a
sherpa. Now I’m stuck on the mountain peak, covered in clouds and a
raging blizzard, yelling out, “SHERPA!!! WHERE ARE YOU???” while the
wind blows.

But don’t worry for me. I’m sure I’ll find it as
long as I keep doing these entries and sorting through my wrecked
psyche. Writing’s the best–and cheapest–therapy, they say. I happen
to believe that’s true. After all, the journey’s the most interesting
part. It can only get more interesting as we go along.

*WARNING POINTLESS ASIDE AHEAD* Oh, yeah. Return of the King comes out on DVD Tuesday!!! Yeah!!! *POINTLESS ASIDE ENDS*

Now I gotta go find my sherpa.

I’m hungry! Like Godzilla was for Tokyo.

But the Japanese people love Godzilla.

Hm. Something to mull over while I search for food.