We're All Humans, Aren't We?

“There is nothing permanent except change.” — Heraclitus, 6th Century B.C. Greek philosopher

This time of the year has always inspired me to look back on my life
within the past year. (I really think the New Year ought to be in the
fall, not in January because, really, for many of us it does feel like
a new year then. Every fall, millions of people go back to school after
a few months off. They’ll discover new friends, new experiences, and
many things will happen to them that by May or June, during Graduation
season when we bid farewell to friends, it does feel like a year has
passed by.)

This is one of the most exciting and somewhat scary times in my life,
to be honest with you (and myself, as well). I turned 24 years old last
September and around the same time I was celebrating my one year
anniversary of working at Calvary Church as their graphic
designer/marketing guy. Work was going well. I was starting to make
some money (finally! after spending five years of paying for
college…) to afford living somewhat comfortably on my own and paying
bills on time.

In July, two months before my birthday, I decided to take a trip across
the country by myself. I had felt the need to “go west, young man” and
spend some time in solitude with God, something I had felt to be sorely
lacking. So, I took a week off work and traveled to Arizona (the Grand
Canyon), Las Vegas (to visit a friend who was in town as well), and
Denver (to see my cousin and friend from college). I logged in some
serious mileage on my car and there were times I felt lonely, but in
the end, the trip was so worth it. I came back tired, but energized. I
saw so many beautiful things on my own, things that will forever remain
just mine. (Never underestimate the importance of having things just
your own.) God was with me the whole time. However… the next time I
do something like this, I’m taking someone with me.

One of the reasons why I think I took this trip was to achieve some
closure on some things in my past that had been bothering me. Several
years ago, my family took a vacation out west, traveling from South
Dakota, down to Colorado, Arizona, California, and back home. One of
the stops was the Grand Canyon. At first, I didn’t recognize anything
from when I was there with my family, but towards the end of the day, I
recognized a spot that my family had visited, so I drove there and
looked around and got there before sunset.

The place hadn’t changed. I walked around there, camera in hand,
looking at things, remembering the past, times that were happy before
huge changes happened. The brilliant red sun was setting and a raging
dark purple thunderstorm stormed in the distance. The canyon changed
colors with each inch of the sun’s movements. I took a lot of pictures.
That moment at that spot became just mine. I was then able to say
good-bye to that part of my life, closing the door to it. A burden
lifted, I got in my car and drove back to my hotel.

Two months later, it was my birthday and one-year anniversary at my
job. Life was ordinary. Go to work, come home, watch some television,
play some video games, go out with my friends, drink some beer, play
some games. September became October. October became November. Golden
yellow and brown and red leaves fell to the ground.

In November, life started to shift. It was so gradual, I didn’t notice
the winds changing. I was asked if I would like to go to Jamaica with
the Interim group at Trinity again. (I had been there on the first trip
in 2002.) After realizing I had enough money, I quickly agreed. During
this time, I became increasingly restless in my job. My heart was no
longer fully invested into it like I had been in the beginning. I
dismissed it as simply being bored with the job. Christmas came and
went without much family drama. It began to get cold and snow.

New Years Eve, 2004. Moments before the Chicago clock counts down to
midnight, I heard a voice in my head distinctly saying, “2005 will be a
watershed year for you.” Hmm, interesting. Alright. We’ll see what
happens, eh?

In January, the time to leave for Jamaica was finally here! I joined a
group of people I hardly knew and flew down to Montego Bay. There I was
greeted with familiar sights from three years ago. The ocean. The
beaches. The little kids who had grown! Due to circumstances that I now
see were in God’s control, I assumed control of a classroom of fourth
graders who were completely deaf.

The first day, I stood there in front of those kids sitting on those
tiny desks, clutching pencils in their hands. I can’t explain it, but I
just knew what to do. I quickly assumed control of that classroom and
was quick to command respect of those kids. I was not an education
major. I taught them things. Things that they learned. It was the most
wonderful feeling I had ever experienced in my life. People who were in
the Jamaica group, people I had just met, assumed I was a teacher. I
saw the shock in their faces when they found out I wasn’t. Many a time
I heard, “You’re not a teacher?” with skepticism in the voices.

I was so glad I went to Jamaica because I was able to see the kids
again and see how they’ve grown. It is also one of the very few places
that I’ve felt like I made a real impact, and not simply was just
there. But I didn’t think much of the “You’re not a teacher?” comments.

Because of Jamaica, I became involved in Trinity again. I made a lot of
good friends there and I didn’t want to abandon those relationships, so
I started showing up on campus. I started meeting different people.
Around that same time, I started dating someone, but that didn’t last
very long because our personalities were different. By then, March had
already rolled around. My restless feelings for work intensified and it
was then I began to wonder if I was truly called to work at Calvary.

Then this wonderful, beautiful girl showed
up in my life. We complement each other in each and every way, except
in culinary tastes. God saw it fit to give me everything I had asked
for and more than I had ever hoped for with her. She has inspired me to
be all I can be for her. Every day I feel blessed and humbled to have
her in my life. Because of her, my life has taken on a completely
different dimension and I’m striving to do more with my life than I had
ever tried to before. One of the best moments I will remember with her
is dancing with her at Formal, her barefoot and standing on her
tiptoes, her head pressed against my chest. I am happier with her than
I have ever been with anyone in my life.

And this takes us back to the beginning: This is one of the most
exciting and somewhat scary times in my life, to be honest with you
(and myself, as well). The restlessness of my job and realization that
God is taking me in a different direction has me standing on the brink
of a career change. I am looking into quitting my job and going back to
school for my Masters to be completed in deaf education. Everyone in my
life has been standing behind me with this. My roommate for three years
will be getting married in July. I’ll be moving back home for a year to
save money. And… who knows what else? I know I have a few things I
want to happen, but the rest of it is still there to be discovered.

I’ve been through a lot of changes. Parents’ divorce. Several
apartments. A job. A new car. And everything that went on in this past
year. It’s exciting, but I know God is behind all of this and that
gives me courage, strength, and wisdom to forge ahead. Change is a
wonderful thing because it forces us to prune ourselves, get rid of the
detrius, say goodbye to the things that are holding us down, and grow
into something wonderful that we could not accomplish ourselves.

“There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” –Aldous Huxley, author of Brave New World