Honestly!
There’s a small survey going on around Xanga right now that has a list
of things that you’re supposed to bold or highlight the things that
you’ve done. Here, let me post a small snippet for an example for those
who’ve not seen it yet:
Kissed someone.
Smoked cigarettes.
Got so drunk you passed out.
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
Collected something really stupid.
Gone long periods of time without sleep.
Lied to someone.
Snorted cocaine.
Failed a class.
Smoked weed.
Dealt drugs.
Been in a car accident.
Take a walk by youself.
Watched someone die.
Held someone’s hand.
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself
Lost your virginity.
It’s a quick and dirty way of letting people get to know the “real”
you, supposedly. A quick cursory glance on the list will tell you such
salacious details like if I’ve sampled illicit drugs or had sex. It’ll
also tell you about ordinary experiences like kissing someone, being
sleepless or riding every rollercoaster in an amusement park.
Anyone with an internet connection can come upon your Xanga and read
what you’ve posted. They’ll think they’re getting to know you and the
people who post these surveys think that they’re honestly telling the
world who they are, sharing themselves to their faithful Xanga readers
and the occasional browser. It’s not true.
It’s all fake. Genuine, authentic human understanding of others does
not come from posting things like that on your Xanga, even if you
filled it out honestly. How does knowing my virginal status or if I’m a
person who’s never sampled drugs or been in a car accident or any of
these random stuff help you to understand me?
The answer is: it doesn’t. Rather, it’s leading people to think they
know you. It also leads you to think that you just shared something big
about yourself. If you want people to know who you are and what you’re
like,
then write about something, write about an experience you had, how that
experience made you feel. Feelings are the root to authentic human
understanding. I can say I’ve kissed someone. It’s a statement that’s
deceptive. You think you’ve just learned something about me you didn’t
know before, but that fact tells you absolutely nothing about me. Who
did I kiss? Why did I kiss her? How did it make me feel? Was it a good
kiss? And so on.
It’s fun to do these types of surveys every now and then, but when they
start revealing personal information that many people really don’t need
to know (i.e., being a virgin) without any proper context, then it can
become dishonest.
Take a chance. Be honest to yourself today. Open yourself up to someone
you can trust. Share your feelings, aspirations, pains, experiences.
Share your wants, needs, failures, and hopes.
Share who you are.
Honestly.
Amanda1011 says:
I have to admitt to falling prey to things like this, but I still believe that you are right in saying that it really doesn’t tell people who you are.
Great post.
MattTheTroll says:
good stuff dude
WhiteLancer64 says:
i’m Doug De Vries, dammit! hoo hah! *runs off into the night*
knup728 says:
Matt!! I can’t believe you’ve snorted cocaine and been in a car accident!! I feel like I hardly know you anymore. And to go along with you “kissing someone” comment and how that tells you nothing about people, I agree. It doesn’t even tell them what sex of a person you’ve kissed. All the survey does is let you imagine what a person is like or how they like to live. Usually when you have to imagine what someone is like instead of actually getting to know them you wind up being completely wrong.
Oh, and I changed the colors because I found the old ones to be kind of hard on my eyes. It may have been impeding on my received comments. The orange is so much more inviting. You know it works because it made you comment didn’t it!!
Earth_Alien_RV3 says:
This sounds suspiciously like the post Amanda had done a while back on why it’s better to talk to people in person rather than assuming people are lazy enough to just let Xanga do all the talking for you. I like it.
–Russ.
Amanda1011 says:
Yeah… well Russ, it just shows that we think alike…
gerckenator says:
Sorry you were offended, you have nothing to worry about, it was just a joke about a phone call that I remember reading in her xanga. I hope you would have had more respect for me and known that it was just a harmless joke and intended no harm, then again you dont know me that well. Anyway, sorry I offended you, i’ll watch it next time and please dont take any of my jokes too seriously.
Thirty_Three_Times says:
Dude, I filled out that survey. Ugh. It’s just a survey. It’s something that people can share about their lives. Too many people nowadays sugarcoat their lives to make them seem perfect. Too many people lie to those closest to them to make them out to be better people. We are all sinners, but some people like to let others think that’s not true. I like that survey because it includes good things and bad. Good things like kissing in the rain, and being in love, and going fishing, and having best friends, and crying when you’re happy. In fact, just to prove a point, I’m going to list in this comment all the good things in that very same survey.
Kissed someone
Rode every ride at an amusement park
Helped someone
Gone fishing
Spun turn tables
Watched 4 movies in one night
Taken a college level course
Taken a walk by yourself
Held someone’s hand
Ran a marathon
Gone skydiving
Written a 10 page letter
Flown on a plane
Gone skiing
Been sailing
Had a best friend
Cried even when you were happy
Gone to a different country
Listened to the same song over and over again
Been in a school play
Swam with dolphins
Laughed so hard it hurt
Written poetry
Read more than 20 books in one year
Used a coloring book past age 12
Taken a taxi
Pet a wild animal
Wrote a letter
Gone surfing in California
Did “spirit day” at your school
Got straight A’s
Got straight A’s in college
Been on the Honor Roll
Held your breath in a tunnel the entire time so that you could make a wish
Adopted a child
Looked at the sky for hours
Took long drives
Kissed in the rain
I agree with most of your argument, but I also noticed that there are way more good things on that list than bad. I also understand that these things don’t say too much about the depth of those specific experiences. I know that some people do it because they want attention or whatever, or because they think it will let people know them better, but a lot of people are just doing it for fun, or for themselves. I personally took off some of the questions because I felt they were too personal. I think that you make a good point, I just think it was too one-sided.
Nice “protective boyfriend” comment on Steve’s site, by the way. Let xanga do the talking for you.
Tewcewl says:
I agree with you, Brooke. Yes, it’s just a survey. Yes, they’re fun to do sometimes when you’re bored and you just want to put a new entry in Xanga. I wasn’t speaking out against the surveys or even the content of them. I’ve done them every now and then, and heck, one of them even brought to my attention that a certain girl may like me.
I was just writing more about what I perceived the danger of that some people could think that doing these types of surveys is a replacement for genuine conversation. Those surveys could be a good jumping off point for conversations, but if they become THE conversation, then some people have fooled themselves into thinking that they’ve had a genuine connection with someone else.
I agree that life nor our true selves don’t need to be sugarcoated and people who do that are fundamentally lying to themselves and others. I was just trying to encourage people to open themselves up by listing their experiences in detail rather than summarizing things up in a survey and being satisfied with just doing that. Everybody’s sinned. Everybody’s had great experiences. Everybody’s had terrible experiences. It’s the universal human experience. It’s a privilege to be able to share ourselves with each other.
And as for your last comment, I’m not sure where that came from or what you meant. I only used Xanga’s commenting ability because it is the fastest way I can contact Steve and let him know how I felt.
Thirty_Three_Times says:
Good reply. I like it. Thanks for being more open this time. The last comment was just me being facetious. Sorry. I understand what you mean about escaping genuine conversation by using xanga. I think that too many people are depending too much on the internet nowadays and I also think it’s sick. I mostly put up what I did simply to argue with you. I guess I lost, because your response puts me to shame. I’m glad that you made the point you did, though. People need to have more personal, face-to-face conversation with other people. I know a girl from my high school who hides behind xanga and it’s sick. So I agree with you. I also think I said what I did – about all the good things on the survey – because when I first read your post, I thought you were saying how all the things in the survery were bad, and I was upset about that. Anyface, that’s all. Sorry for being argumentative and facetious. It was kind of fun, though.
Thirty_Three_Times says:
Thanks for being so awesome, Matt. Your comment made me smile. You’re great.
infiniteman says:
Sex? Is that the dance married people do and the stork comes with a strange white bag?