Okay, someone who skimmed my recent Xanga blogs said, “Long!”
Yep. For those of you who don’t want to read the whole thing to get the
point, let me once again explain what I’m doing. I’m re-posting my old
blog entries from LiveJournal here now that I’ve started a Xanga blog.
When I’m done, then the real fun will begin and I’ll start blogging
f’real. I’ve done May through August already, so let’s finish up the
year, no? This will take us to the end of December. So if you have the
time and are curious, pour a cup of coffee or whatever beverage you
like, and read my past entries to find out what made Matt tick in
2004…
Yup
[Sep. 3rd, 2004 | 01:03 am]
Alright, so I went to see my shrink yesterday…
(Ooooh, he sees a shrink!)
Yes, get over yourselves. It’s not really a shrink, per se. It’s
more of a person that I can bounce ideas, thoughts, feelings off and
have him give me some feedback and ideas. He helps me keep my thoughts
in order as well as examine what’s going on in my head and my heart.
It’s surprisingly easy to get your thoughts and feelings so tangled up,
like a ball of string. It’s a miracle that many of us are able to
remain cognizant of what we’re thinking and feeling. Anyway, I
digress…
He asked me this question I hadn’t yet thought to ask myself: “What do you think your role is in your life right now?”
Shit, that’s a good question.
The answer will be forthcoming…
I voted for Bush
[Nov. 3rd, 2004 | 12:30 am]
God damn, has it been two months?
So, what’s been going on in my life? A lot, actually, and nothing at
the same time. Let me briefly catch you up: I’ve been working,
sleeping, eating, and hanging out with friends, drinking beer and
eating food that really isn’t good for me. Life has actually settled
down in a nice, comfortable routine. It’s only when we get problems
resolved and out of the way can we begin to look forward. Which is what
I’m doing now.
The new posts should be interesting without all the angst. Well, maybe some angst. After all, it’s what keeps things interesting.
Today, I voted. I went and got myself a provisional ballot and
punched for Bush-Cheney. ‘Twas really a no-brainer. Yes, I would love
to have a guy who’s more environment-friendly and more fiscal
responsible, but with all the chaos going on in the Middle East, I
don’t want to have to wait for a new guy to acclimate himself to the
presidency. So far, it looks like Bush’s going to win. Now that’s
something I didn’t expect.
We’ll see, of course, what happens in the next few days.
Homecoming, Part 1
[Nov. 11th, 2004 | 11:01 pm]
There’s a yellow post-it note on the front of my computer monitor
that simply reads “Post everyday.” It’s a reminder that I’m supposed to
post in this journal every day. If I don’t force myself to do it, I
won’t do it.
Well, eight days later I’m finally posting here. How’s that for ambition and motivation? 🙂
I’m on a high right now. No, it’s not a drug induced high, although caffeine is a
drug and I’ve been drinking it for the past couple of hours. I just
came back from IHOP, seeing an old friend of mine from Trinity. We
haven’t talked for two years. Two years. Damn, how the time
flies, eh? We used to go out frequently when we were in college,
sitting down, shooting the breeze, philosophing, debating, musing,
well, you get the idea. Then graduation came. Life came. She went to
California, I stayed here. For two years, we took different paths,
exploring ourselves, and now our paths have intersected again.
And it feels great.
It’s actually like homecoming. I always loved that word because
there was something about it that indicated familiarity, coziness,
stability in an unknown, ever changing universe. Homecoming. We finally
were able to get our schedules worked out (she moved back here and
actually is my neighbor now, how about that?) and sat down at IHOP,
drank our coffee (with cream and sugar, thank you very much) and picked
up exactly where we left off two years ago. Amazing. Amazing that two
years can elapse, life experience can be gained, new glasses,
hairstyles can be changed, weight can be gained or lost, and despite
that, being able to sit and drink and chat like it was only yesterday.
It’s good to be home, even though I never left.
Homecoming, Part 2
[Nov. 24th, 2004 | 12:42 am]
So, I figured out a better way for me to keep up on my blogging: Do it
before bed. I have this awesome Powerbook laptop that I’m supposed to
use for work, but no one uses it so it’s sitting around in my
apartment. Rather than using it to look up porn, I’ll just journal
before I crash. It’s a heck of a lot easier to think and muse while
you’re lying in bed, all comfortable and content, the day setting
behind you. Hopefully this will motivate me to journal more. I really
want to put down my thoughts and occasional musings.
I just
looked up the weather and it looks like we’re having a mix of snow and
rain coming our way in a couple of hours. I still can’t believe it’s
the Tuesday (now Wednesday) before Thanksgiving. This is the part of
the year that screams by and next thing you know it’s March, the
holidays long gone and the New Year currently in swing. I don’t know
why this time of the year forces people to sit and take stock of their
lives. It’s probably because next to birthdays, this is the only true
thing that’s an annual event with traditions. I’m not going to get into
that right now. I still have a good eight weeks to do that. But there
is one thing that has been on my mind lately: Jamaica. And, no, it’s
not because it’s getting cooler.
I was invited to go to Jamaica again this year for the same interim trip I took three years ago. Three years.
In those three years, I’ve been through a lot. A LOT. And yet, not
much. Let’s take a quick cursory glance over what’s happened in no
particular order (this is going to be totally stream of consciousness):
I moved out. I’m embarking on my third year of living on my own, living
with my roommate. I bought a car, my first bona fide car that I own. I
worked for almost a year in the Shedd Aquarium, meeting lots of
interesting people and seeing a place that many people don’t get to
see. I got my first full-time job with benefits and am steadily
accumulating experience and expertise and a kickin’ portfolio. I saw
five weddings, and one of them is expecting a baby in February. I drove
out to Arizona, Las Vegas, and Denver by myself for a week-long trip.
I’ve grown as an adult, more secure and capable of myself as time goes
by.
Wow, I guess a lot did happen. I’m honestly surprised on
some of the stuff I put down. Life is full of so many small events that
really seem small and insignificant, but everyone should do this
exercise that I just did every couple of years or so to keep track of
their own personal growth (or decay). There are so many times that I’ve
stood around and thought to myself, “Geez, what have I been doing these
past couple of years? I have nothing to show for it.” Well, that kind
of thinking is obviously wrong. Yes, there are still many things I want
for myself, many things I want to experience, but so many of us forget
that we’ve been through so many of experiences, good or bad, already.
And
Jamaica… I want to go back so badly. There are so many awesome things
I experienced on my first trip out there. I miss the people I went
with, many of whom I stopped speaking to. I think that’s why this
invitation is affecting me so much and making me think about what my
life has been like for the past three years. Life changes despite many
who say it never does. Life is ALWAYS changing, very subtlely, and
that’s one of my biggest fears: That I’ll wake up one day and find out
that my life has changed so much that I can’t even recognize it
anymore. That’s probably why so many people rail against change,
especially around the holidays when they go home and are reminded that
despite their best efforts, their life changed and consequently, their
home changed. That’s what the holidays are about for many people:
trying to go home again, trying to recapture a simpler time, a happier
time, a time when they knew what they wanted their life to be, a time
before everything changed.
Sometimes you just can’t go home again.
kare_bear_413 says:
heY Matt!-
I am sOoo happy that I came across your xanga! I <3 it + you are a great writer…very interesting to read. Well…I hope we talk more + I get to know you better. You seem great so far
-Kari-